you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
