Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
