There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
