Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
