Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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