Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
