You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
