no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
