You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
