I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
