ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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