I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
