I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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