did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
