I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
