Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
dude. I can hear the air.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
