but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
