this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
