So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
