dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
