I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize