Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
