he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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