I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
