so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
