cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Randomize
