I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Randomize
