Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
