just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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