I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Did we literally take a cab across the street
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
