I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
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