The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
