I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
