eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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