1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
