he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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