Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
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