I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
