Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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