my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
