i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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