we have pet lesbian snakes
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
