Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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