Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
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