from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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