Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
