Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
When are your genitals available?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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