woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
