i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
