fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Alive.
So much puke
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
