Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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