I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Randomize
