Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
