my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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