Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Randomize
