shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
