I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
you traded sex for a burrito?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize