I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
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