Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
