i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
