He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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