dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
