My nipple is on Facebook.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
