All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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