just survived the first fart of the relationship.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Randomize
