im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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