WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize