I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
