I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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