TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
