My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
