Tell her she can't have a vagina
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
