I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
