My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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