at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
