I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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