My friends, they love my intelligence
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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