I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
