You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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