So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
