i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
