I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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